Monday, December 8, 2014

Grave Goods ~ Are they still being used?

We all have been to funerals. It's a part of life. We see the flowers arranged the casket and think nothing of it. Then we look at the coffin itself. With the body, there are other items. Photos, a Bible, a rosary, a special book, 2 quarters to pay the Ferryman, stuffed animals, things that were important to the deceased. People do it as their way to pay homage to their loved one. My younger cousin loved collecting autographs, so my brother gave him an autographed football card.

The earliest known burials were the Neanderthals who would add flowers and later would place baron and Aurochs' bones, tools and ochre pigment. Then we've all seen the elaborate offerings left in the tombs of the Egyptian Pharaohs ~~ especially King Tut. There is the solid gold sarcophagus, food, water, statues, horses, mummified cats that guard the underworld, even the Pharaohs' favorite slave are buried so they can care for his needs on the other side as well as all the runes to plead with the gods to allow the Pharaoh into their midst. Images of Osirus ~ the Gold of the Underworld who is depicted as a man with a jackals' face. But does that still happen today? I can't say how it is done around the world, but in rural Pennsylvania, it is alive and well.

My younger cousin recently died and his funeral was Saturday. His coffin had so many gifts, it almost covered him. I gave him a yellow rose that I give everyone as well as a locket engraved with "You Are my sunshine." My son and I put in quarters for him. It's a very old tradition, but we follow those old ways. The younger the person who passes to the afterlife, the more goods are placed with him. I've seen everything from bottles of beer to a rolled joint and everything in between.

I believe we will still have our precious possessions after we leave this earth. My dogs and cats who have left will meet me when I finally cross the veil from the torture and pain into a life of endless summer. We'll be reunited with our loved ones. My grandparents and cousins will be there when Adonis leads me home. I'm not sure many others believe that today, but In the Summerland, we will want photos of the ones we've lost, until we're reunited. The other items and they keep us going until we are reunited with those we love.

Not only people receive grave goods. Animals that are particularly loved also receive them. I buried my dogs with a photo of their family right in front of their faces, their blankets, favorite toys, even a food and water dish, so they will never want while they wait for me to join them.

This is a work in progress and is copywrited to me. Please do not take the information as it is for a commissioned piece. Thank you! I will appreciate any of your stories of burials you've attended where grave goods are added and what they are,.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Just a cousin??

The past week and a half has been a total nightmare for my family and myself. I keep trying to wake up from it, but nothing works. I have to accept it's my new reality. A reality where my 37-year old cousin Bobby is no longer with us. Writing that sentence is impossible to do, but I managed it somehow. I loved him with all my heart and soul. We were 9 years apart, but that never mattered.

I received a condolence call a couple days after his mother was strong enough to turn the machines off and let his broken body release his soul. Keeping him on it would be cruel. He'd never laugh, smile, talk, walk or even acknowledge we were there. A single car accident took that away. I hope, if the day comes where I'm in that bed, my husband will be so kind to me.

Growing up, I didn't know that everyone's best friends were their cousins. I didn't care that I didn't have anyone in the neighborhood to play with because I had my cousins. We were always together. Our entire family was always together. Except for my dad's one week of vacation where it was my parents, brother and I going somewhere, that truck was filled with three generations of our family going to Niagara Falls, a county fair, amusement parks or wherever we happened to go. To us, that was normal, we honestly didn't know everyone didn't live the same way. We always received the same gifts for Christmas, went the same places, did the same things. It was how we were raised.

When we were almost 3, my brother joined the gang and he was just another person to be with. My aunt had a second family, two more girls and a boy (our Bobby) when we were 9. I babysat the three of them for a few years, then they pulled away because of outside problems. That is my biggest regret to this day ~~ I didn't get to have the years with them like I did my other two cousins.

As adults, the world runs different and after my grandma and grandpa left the world, the family wasn't as close. When my great aunt and uncle left us, it fractured the family. Weeks, months would go by and I wouldn't see them or even know where they were. It broke my heart, but I knew deep down if I needed them, a phone call would get them here.

March 3, 2006, our world was destroyed when the first born into the next generation was killed in a car wreck on his way to school. Michael was only 17. That horror brought us back together where we knew where we needed to be and it stayed that way for many more years. Then slowly life pulled us apart again, until this Thanksgiving when another one~car accident took another of us. We piled in three cars and drove to Ohio to be there for a final good bye and to let him know we were never really apart and never would be. I had my hand on his chest for the final heartbeat, holding his sister. I'll never get over it. None of us will.

It's like a part of my body has been cut out. There's a piece missing and I can't get it back. I walk around in a daze, not really getting anything done and not caring. Who cares that the dishes aren't done? Bobby is gone. I thought letting my thoughts flow would help let some of the pain go away. I'm not sure typing and crying is what I need, but it's what I have to do. Writing has always been my way of coping.

Back to the call. I'm sure she meant well, but it was like a punch in the gut when she said that offensive sentence, "Well, you're lucky, he was ONLY your cousin." I pity her and those like her who don't have a family they can call on and have on your doorstep in minutes. Ones that would drop everything and come to your side. Even when we don't see each other daily or even weekly, I still know one call will bring an army to my door that nothing can break. Yes, they are my cousins, but there is no "JUST" about them. Family is family.

Tomorrow is our final chance to see that beloved face and say our "Until we meet against." My yellow rose, a locket and two quarters to pay the Ferryman are with him from my son and myself. We follow the old ways. He also has his Bible and so many photos, friends, awards. The funeral home is filled with photos of him. He was so full of life! He loved fishing, softball, pool, darts, collecting autographs, working with wood (he was a master carver) and his Ford Mustang. I also have a Ford Mustang and he was always laughing that we'd race and his would beat my Betty Lou. We never had a chance to have that race. My body is breaking and I can't do the things I use to. I'm sure he'll be waiting for me and we'll race when I get to the Summerlands.

Until we meet again, Bobby, I'll love you forever and a day.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Another light has left the world

My cousin Bobby was a decade younger than me when he had a car accident the day before Thanksgiving. He was lifeflighted into Ohio, but it was too late. He had surgery to relieve the swelling in his brain, but it didn't work. He was on life support for the legally required time, even though we knew there was no hope.

Our entire family drove to the hospital on Saturday morning to say good bye. Most of us were in the room when his heart stopped beating. The change was immediate. He no longer looked like himself, his soul was free from a broken body. He is now at peace and the demons that he battled his entire adult life are gone. He is free.

We're waiting for the State to release him, so he can come home and he put to final rest.

My precious cousin, until we meet again, I will love you forever and a day.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Thanksgiving Grief

While so many Americans were sitting down with their families to share in their yearly turkey feast, my family was split in several places around the State. The worst was the hospital where 2 aunts and 1 cousin are keeping a bedside vigil on another cousin who was in a serious accident on Wednesday. We do not know if we will see his smiling face again in this world. It was not a good day.

I'm not asking for money, just a few minutes of your time to say a prayer to your chosen deity and ask that Bobby be spared and be allowed to come home to the ones who love him. If you're a regular reader here, you know I'm not able to make the 4+ hour drive to the hospital to see him myself, so I depend on test messages from the family that is there.

That was hard enough to take, but I get home and there is a message from one of my dearest on-line friend's nephew letting me know that Bill has passed away on Wednesday. He has been ill for a while, which is why we connected so well.

Please remember those prayers, candles and healing energy. They're vital now.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Finally home and healing ~ Resistance is Futile

I had the second neck fusion done several weeks ago in Pittsburgh by the only specialist I would allow to work on such a delicate area. Dr. Vinny Silvaggio is a partner in 3 Rivers Orthopedics. He performed the first fusion in April. He warned me that it might not work and he would have to go in through the back of my neck and have more metal put in to keep the nerves from being pinched. Sadly, that prediction is exactly what happened. The pain was coming back and it radiated out to my left shoulder. Numbness would be next step. He asked if I could take the pain another 6 months to give more time to completely fuse, but I wasn't able to deal with it. I met with him last Thursday & he personally made sure I was first on the next surgery day. That happened to be Monday. It worked out well, only 3 days to worry.

We had to be at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. on Monday. Mom, Randy and I were there in plenty of time. The surgery was scheduled for 7:30 a.m. I was taken back at just about the exact time. Of course, I got kisses from both and my teeny beanie Peace bear was in my hand. He goes everywhere with me. This was his third surgery with me this year. I started to have a bit of a panic attack when I first had the face mask put on. Claustrophobia is a horrid thing and mine keeps getting worse. The staff were wonderful and had me calmed down in minutes.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The next step in my transformation towards becoming Borg

It looks like I'll be having another surgery before too long. Back in April, my neck was fused because I wasn't able to use my left arm. I had a herniated disc and fell. The disc moved and pinched the nerve and it went numb. The surgery was supposed to have me better within 6 months. It's been those months, but my neck still isn't better. We were warned that could happen and I would need more surgery. I have no problem with things happen. My whole life has turned into "THINGS HAPPEN." I try to just go with the flow.

The neck surgeon sent me for a CT scan last week and it wasn't conclusive, so we decided surgery is a very real possibility, he wanted a MRI to see how bad my neck is. One disc was fused then, but now it's a possibility that it will be three disc. He'll go in and remove more bone, give the nerve more room to keep It from being pinched, add donor bone (THANK YOU DONORS!!!!), then add rods and screws to hold me together. Go ahead, I've heard all the Borg jokes. Resistance is futile, I will be assimilated!

Then there is my knee. I had surgery at the end of February to repair a torn meniscus. No worries, I'll be fine a couple weeks. WHAT A JOKE! I can barely use my lower leg most of the time. Why? According to another doctor, the nerve was CUT! The knee surgeon says it's only pinched and he was going to send me for a MRI and go from there. It's been a month since then and not a word from the office. I called and ripped them a new one. I know it's not nice, but I have no confidence at all in him or his staff. The secretary claims that their "phones were having trouble for the month." Can you believe that smoldering pile of horse droppings? Everyone has a cellphone. If it's an important issue with a patient in horrid pain, use hour cellphone! Besides, it's a hospital clinic. There is no way in the world that a hospital would allow one of it's clinics to go without working phones for a month!

Since then, we have new insurance, so she has a new company to call. I admit it, I was not the nicest person to her. I told her straight out I thought she was lying. The connection ended then. Hmmm That awful phone system at work? She calls me back. What happened? You hung up on me, lady. "I would never hang up on a patient." RIGHT! I have no such worries and have and will continue to hang up on people. My mother was here, so I couldn't tell the secretary what I thought of her skills and those of her boss. He was in surgery yesterday, so I let them have a day and expect it returned today. Give me the MRI. I will get the disc and the radiologist's report and find a new orthoscopic surgeon. Everyone has urged me to get a lawyer and sue him for malpractice. I fully intend to do that if I don't get a call today with an approval for the knee MRI, I'll make another call. I also know the hospital's CEO as well as their top doctor. I will never allow anyone to do surgery or any test on me without a second opinion.

To tell the difference between the two surgeons, Pittsburgh (where my neck surgeon is) called for the MRI approval on Friday when I left. It was a 3-hour drive home and when we go there, the insurance company had already called with the approval. That's less than 3 hours! There is NO reason for a professional to take a month to get an approval or at least call me and say they are having problems.

If I have to go to the knee doctor's office, I'm afraid to think what my mouth won't be able to hold back. I married a Marine and spent years learning some very "colorful metaphors!" I have no trouble using them. When low~life telemarketers call me, I have had some of them so upset they couldn't even think of a response to me. That's skill! :-)

Monday, October 6, 2014

More Health Woes

I went to my monthly visit with the surgeon who fused my neck in April. We were so hopeful then. I healed quickly and was feeling good. Sadly, that is no longer the case. I went to the doctor on Friday and had the news I was dreading. It looks like my neck isn't fusing like we hoped. The surgeon is sending me for a CT scan tomorrow morning and then we'll go back to Pittsburgh this Friday and sit down with the CT scans and make a decision on what the next step will be.

I'm afraid that steel rods will need to be placed to keep my neck safe. My nightmares are now revolving around what will be done to my neck. I'm scared and I can't help it.

The surgeon is one of the most highly respected spine surgeons and we completely trust him. If he thinks I need more surgery to keep my neck safe and to take away the pain, then there's no question I will have it done. He is one of only two doctors I trust completely. My family doctor and this surgeon are it. I've been injured too oft3n by too many other doctors. My knee is still mess up after I made the mistake of not going to Pittsburgh to their orthoscopic doctor to have my knee repaired. Now it looks like the knee surgeon cut the nerve to my lower left leg. Walking hurts like crazy. I just cry with pain every day. He says it's only pinched and he can go back in and repair it. He must be out of his mind. There's no way in this life that I will ever allow him near me with a scalpel. He was supposed to set up an MRI to see what is really wrong with my lower leg. That was a month ago. The Pittsburgh got approval for the CT scan in several hours. There's the difference between a true specialist and a wish he was.

I'll get my neck taken care of right now and then get my knee taken care of by my neck surgeon's partner who does knees, legs and hips. Until then, I'll just suffer.

Don't end up like me. Please get a second or third opinion before allowing anyone to operate on you. I'll keep everyone updated on the decision made.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Kevin Sorbo: NFL won’t fire anyone over domestic abuse scandal because of Benghazi

There has been a lot of talk about the Ray Rice video. If you've been living under a rock for the past several months, you might not have heard or seen the sickening video of Rice knocking his then girlfriend out cold with a punch to the head and then dragging her out of the elevator. <BR><BR>

The "man" is a disgrace to the NFL and to the entire male species. It all goes back to how star athletes are treated. If they can throw or catch a football or are star basketball players or great high school or college wrestlers, they are treated like gods. They can do no wrong. In high school, these athletes are held to a difference accountability and get special help or outright changing of grades to make sure they are eligible to play. College recruit these high school gods with a vengeance that includes all expense-paid trips to the college for the athlete and his family, they are offered cars and cash. Best of all, the student who gives them tours of the campus make it clear they are happy to show what "team spirit" the female population is willing to give to make sure the athlete picks their college. Now this doesn't happen for every athlete and every school. When JoePa was in charge of Penn State, his players had to live up to a higher standard than most every school. He wanted his boys to have a real degree, not one that is given to them because of their skills on the football field. Don't bother to send hate mail about JoePa, the witch hunt killed him. He paid the ultimate price for his beloved school. I will delete and block anyone who sends such filth. <BR><BR>

I'm not sure that Keven Sorbo knows what he's talking about. He should go back to doing what he does best - acting with his shirt off. I see no connection between the White House, IRS and a cruel, monster who was lucky he didn't kill his girlfriend. There are one-punch murders all the time. If it works, there is a video at the bottom of this with Sorbo telling his story and thoughts on it. <BR><BR>

My thoughts are simple: hundreds of women (and men) are abused every day by their partners. The numbers are easy to find. Talk to volunteers at shelters for abused women. Sometimes, they have to run with nothing but the shirts on their back and their children on their hip. They have nothing, but knew if they didn't leave, one day their husband would finally kill them. Abuse isn't always physical, it can be emotional as well as sexual (yes, there is spousal rape and it's horrible).  Words hit as hard as a fist. When you are told day after day after day that you are worthless and nobody else would put up with such a stupid idiot, you begin to believe it and that when the abuser has truly won. He/She knows their victim will never leave and they will always have their punching bag. We need to help these people not laugh and say "Maybe they should learn to take the stairs" like the idiots at Fox News laughed about the day after TMZ leaked the video. Abuse is never funny and there's nothing to laugh about seeing a woman being knocked unconscious. Ray Rice should never be allowed to play football again. There needs to be a strong message sent that this type of behavior will not be tolerated. <BR><BR> 

Kevin Sorbo: NFL won’t fire anyone over domestic abuse scandal because of Benghazi

Thursday, September 18, 2014

A huge weekend for us

Tomorrow is a major milestone in our family. My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary! I can't wrap my head around being with the same person for half a century! We are having their party on Saturday afternoon. I have planned it, made all the arrangements, sent out the invites and will decorate tomorrow as soon as we can get into the fire hall where we are having the party. I have RSVPs from almost 100 people. It will be huge, but laid back and casual, just like my parents. They didn't want a big catered affair, that's not who they are. They opted for wings, ham and a variety of salads that family and friends have offered to bring. There will be lots of singing from the guests, as well as stories of how they met from the ones who were there.

I'm creating a scrapbook for them and have asked everyone to write up a memory of their lives before I came around and it will be a beautiful way to share their story for generations to come. It's very important for me to have this. My parents, especially my dad, value photos as a way to keep the memories alive. I'm sure the stories will be funny, sweet and completely them.

Randy and I have been married 26 years, so we are slowly catching up. :) His parents were married well over 50 years. We were brought up knowing the marriage was a true life-time commitment. Divorce isn't an option. When life gets hard, you don't throw in the towel, you work harder at it. I'll freely admit it, our marriage hasn't been all roses and moonbeams over the last two and a half decades, but we didn't give in. We dug in and worked a little harder.

I'm so proud of my parents! I will post photos from their party on Saturday. I have already received a Citation of Congratulations from the PA State Senate as well as our local County Commissioners. I have another big surprise coming for them, but won't put it here in case Mom happens to read it.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

IRS Scam Warning - Agent David Parker/Barker/Barjer UPDATED August 22, 2014

As you can probably tell from my blog and how it's changed over the years, I have become disabled in far too many ways, so I don't always think as quickly as I use to. You can imagine how it felt when I answer the phone with a Washington D.C. number (202-241-1885) and am told that it's the IRS and there is a federal warrant for the arrest of my husband and myself for miscalculations on our 2006 and 2007 taxes! Plus the government felt that we were sending money to family outside the country to hide assets. We have no family outside the country. We haven't been outside the country in over a decade, except to go to Canada for a couple days vacation last year for our 25th anniversary. My husband traveled the world with the Marines and I visited Paris, France for a week for our first anniversary 25 years ago.

The person on the other end had a thick Middle Eastern accent and claimed that he was Agent David Barjer, and his badge number was #732. Randy was on his way home from work (an hour away) and you know how impossibly unreliable cell service is in this rural area. There are more dead zones than WiFi spots on the drive. I couldn't reach him if my life depended on it.

This man demanded that I go to a store while he was on the phone with me and purchase an EFDBS card in the amount of $1,451 and that an attorney would be at my door to give me the documents and pick up the card. I wasn't thinking because I was completely hysterical at this point. I don't have $1,451! I don't think I could come up with $451 in an hour that he was demanding it in. He claimed he would stay on the line with me the entire time until his associate arrived and the money was transferred. I would also have to show our Drivers' licenses as well as our Passports and our tax returns from those years. I told him it was impossible, I had no money, I was disabled. Then he said that my unemployment and Social Security payments are taxable and I hadn't reported any of that. I tried to tell him I don't receive either of those, but he didn't care. Even though my neck is fused, a nerve in my left leg was cut during the repair of my meniscus and walking more than a few feet at a time is torture, I have constant migraines and the pain is unstoppable. There are other problems, but I don't feel comfortable talking about them in public.

At this point, he demanded my husband's cellphone number and I asked him if he knew where we lived. There was no way he could reach Randy on a cellphone. He said he would call back in an hour and my husband had better be there with the information and money he required. I know now he just wanted more of our personal information. Getting those ID numbers and our Social Security numbers as well as our children's Social Security numbers would give them four people to steal their identification.

I couldn't reach Randy after the man hung up. I was shaking and crying and completely hysterical. I called my 19-year old son Trevor and he came running to help me because I was crying too hard to make any sense. When he got here, he told me to call 9-1-1. I did that and told them what happened and they said it didn't sound right to them. I wasn't to delete the Called ID Number or any other evidence I might have on this crime. The woman said she would have the local police call me or come to my home if I needed them, should anyone show up at my door. I said a phone call would be ok, my son was here and my husband would be home soon and I was safe. Trevor had calmed me down at that point. He got on line and typed in the "agents" name and found a list a mile long that it is a scam.

Randy got home at this point. I was still crying, so he calmed me down and returned the call. He was not amused at the conversation. The "agent" suddenly changed his name to Agent David Parker and there was Agent Richard Parker who answered the call. (They must be fans of the movie The A-Team where the CIA all had the same name) The conversation was not calm because Randy was furious that anyone would treat me the way this "person" did. He's very protective of me. Randy said to this "agent" to begin with, the tax forms were beyond the statute of limitations to even be considered legitimate. Then he never received any paperwork on this. The "agent" claimed that we did get them and Randy tore them up and threw them away. Randy laughed at this and asked how they knew this and if they went through our garbage to find them? The man said they had done this and found the paperwork. I have three cats, so I think it's hysterical to think of this cretin going through our garbage filled with the cat litter to find anything. If you have ever cleaned a cat's litter box, you know what I'm talking about. It wouldn't be pleasant.

At this point, the "agent" started getting angry because Randy had him and he knew it was just a scam. He demanded that Randy "SHUT UP and LISTEN TO WHAT WILL HAPPEN." He said he will be sending a federal warrant to our local police immediately. Randy told him, "I dare you to send it! Do it right now! I have the right to have my case heard in court and our taxes are prepared by H&R Block who will defend us if there was a miscalculation." The man wouldn't stop screaming at Randy didn't understand what will happen to him if he didn't listen. Randy had enough and just told him he would be waiting for this attorney to show up with the paperwork and the warrant to arrive. Our local police know where we lived and we knew them well.

Randy called our police department back and explained what had happened. The officer said that it sounded very much like a scam and to not give them any information or money. He started laughing when Randy told him about going through our garbage to find paperwork. He said there was no warrant for our arrest, but he'd be sure to give us a call if something came through. The officer was very good about this and made sure that I was ok because he knew I wasn't well and he could hear me crying in the background. Even though I had figured out it was a scam by this point, I was still worked up.

This morning as I was packing Randy's lunch and getting his things ready for the day, I was thinking about this. I know that I don't have hundreds of readers (yet), but even if I help one person from being scammed, it's worth it to me. I wanted to write this as a warning to other people.

I know if someone called my elderly mother~in~law and did this to her, she would give them the money immediately because she would be so scared. My son moved in with her last year when he started college to help take care of her and make sure she is safe and nobody can take advantage of her. We all love her very much. I can see any elderly person or a disabled person or even a younger person with less experience with the IRS paying these scam artists. If they call 10 people a day and even 2 pay, that's $3,000! I'm sure they make more than that and there are a roomful of these scammers calling people at random. They could be raking in hundreds of thousands of dollars a month.

If you get a call from someone claiming to be from the IRS and they demand money immediately, DO NOT PAY. DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY INFORMATION. It is a scam. The IRS doesn't call people and extort money from them like this and they do not go through your garbage. They will send you paperwork in the mail that you have to sign for and then they may call you, but they have to treat you with respect and they are not allowed to scream at a person or bully them. You have the right to have your day in court. Our Constitution and our Bill of Rights guarantees this. The IRS phone number is 1~800~829~1040.

If you receive a call from these scammers, please let me know. I want to keep this updated to help stop them.

You are not going to believe this one. Last night the phone rings and it's from SAME WASHINGTON DC NUMBER! Randy answers the phone and the same idiot tells him there is a federal warrant out for his arrest from the IRS for a miscalculation. What was he going to do about it? "I'm going to ignore it and you," he calmly tells them. He's doing his best not to laugh while the guy is clearly sputtering about prison and on and on. He gives them a few more seconds, then hangs up.

These guys are clearly well-organized scammers, but they are dumber than a bag of horse slobber! Wouldn't you write down or somehow keep track of the people you have already called and run your scam on? I can see that idiot "Agent" looking dumb-founded that anyone would talk to an "IRS AGENT" like that! :-} Will let you know when he calls again.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

26 years ago

In a hotel not very far away from our current home, I woke up for the first time as Mrs. Randy Rokosky. WOW! Where did my other name go? We got together literally 2 days before I was leaving for college in upsate NY. He was a US Marine stationed in NC and had been one since he graduated from high school. He was home on leave. We knew each other from school, he was 2 years ahead of me. We were friends and had a lot of the same friends. He was even our paperboy and lived just a few blocks from me! We worked on chemistry homework together a few times in high school and went for drives. Just friends, except for one time he kissed me. I NEVER forgot that kiss. It was one of those kisses that goes right to your toes, but he had a girlfriend at the time and was leaving for boot camp, so it didn't go any further that time.

My mom said she always knew he would be back some day and it would be forever. I honestly never expected it. My dearest friend and I were uptown, just spending the last weekend of our time together. She was leaving for cosmetology school in Erie and I would be in NY. I also had a boyfriend at the time, but when that dashing Marine looked at men and asked if I wanted a drive home, that was it. I couldn't imagine being with any other man. I got more of those toe~curling kisses. I had to break up with my long~time boyfriend that night. It wasn't easy and he was furious, wanted to come down and beat up my soul mate. I told him to just let it go. He didn't have a chance, it was over.

Randy and I wrote and called constantly and I finally flew down for a weekend visit. I had never been on a plane or traveled alone before, but he was worth the fear I had. He drove home for weekends as often as he could and when I didn't fly down there, I took the bus. Being a very tiny, size 1, blonde girl traveling all alone to the South was scary at time, but I had my Marine and those kisses to think about.

We had fun when we were together, so when he asked me, "Will you marry me?" There was no way I could say no. We were so young! I was 20 and he was 22. I couldn't even buy a drink, but I could get married. I have been with him my entire adult life and even though it hasn't always been easy (nothing that is truly worth it is ever easy, is it?), we are still together and I'm still getting those kisses.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


I haven't written in a while, just hurts so bad and I've been trying physical therapy for my knee and neck injuries and surgery. Unfortunately, my insurance will only let me have three more visits this year and it's only mid-July. I don't know how I'll survive without it.

The EMG results came back as abnormal, naturally, when has anything done to me been normal? Always been the Abby normal person. (OK, so I might have seen Young Frankenstein a few too many times, but it fits, so why not borrow it?) I saw my regular doctor last Friday and he went over the EMG results with me and let me know I have another debilitating injury. While the knee surgeon was fixing a torn meniscus, my doctor feels that the surgeon cut the nerve in my leg that controls my calf and toes. Why Me? My doctor has been a physician for many decades and has treated hundreds of thousands of patients in his years, but I am the first one he's seen with this injury. It's that rare. Yeah, that's my life. He showed me the nerve and all it does in his medical book. He was stunned I hadn't been shown it and told what happens next. What can I say? I'm a medical marvel. :(

I go back to the neck surgeon at the end of the month and we'll see if there's anything else that can be done. No appointment with the knee surgeon until next month. He told me he can't do anything about the nerve damage in my lower leg except give me more pills. They don't help. He offered to double the dose. Woo Hoo! Double the dose of a medicine that doesn't work? Gee thanks! This is from a orthopedic surgeon. The man has 12 years of specialized schooling, plus several years of residency and that's all he can do about a mistake he made? How about admitting it and apologizing. I know he's afraid I'll sue and win. There's no other way the nerve could have been damaged. It was working before he did the knee surgery and now I have nerve damage?

I am no longer able to work. It killed me when I was told I was no longer able to work. I had been a newspaper/magazine reporter for 20 years. It was a huge part of my identity. When I was made a staff reporter for a large newspaper in my region of Northwestern PA, it was one of the best days of my life. I was a wife, mother of one daughter with a son on the way and had my dream job. I did my best to work daily and take my monthly turn on Saturday night. I wound up in the ER far too often after covering a lengthy court day or other long days working. The day after I used my last sick day, they called me into the editor's office and fired me. That was a massive blow and I cried the whole 45-minute drive home and well into the night. I was taking time off to try and heal when I got called by another newspaper I had worked as a stringer (write articles as they need) for them for another decade or more. I covered the beginning court case of a gruesome murder and even dug up the best friend of the accused murderer and had an exclusive interview with him. The editor was thrilled! The police hadn't even found him yet.

Will write more later about our local firemen's annual parade and carnival that was last week. Also about have my niece Taryn. Was so wonderful having her all to ourselves. She's 9 and such a sweet girl! We couldn't love her more if she were our blood niece.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Another EMG ( Electrocuting my body) test today

I was expecting to go to the dentist this morning when the phone rang at 9 a.m. It was the doctor's secretary who travels from Pittsburgh to do EMGs for the residents of Elk County since we don't have a specialist here. I was scheduled to have the test next week, but didn't hesitate and took the available slot this afternoon. I then called the dentist and rescheduled. EMGs involve sticking needles in your muscles and nerves and zapping them with electricity to see if they are damaged or blocked. This will be my third one.

For those who don't know, I've had trouble with my left leg for months before the surgery in February to repair the torn meniscus and it has only gotten worse since then. Also my lower back has hurt for many, many years. I had an appointment with the knee surgeon last week and he feels that the pain problem is I have a nerve damaged or blocked somewhere between my lower back and calf of my left leg, but it has nothing to do with his surgery. (Naturally) He wanted me to have the EMG to find out where the problem is. It might require further surgery. Great, just what I don't want. He put me on nerve pain medicine. I take it at night and it knocks me out. Once I take it, I have maybe a half hour, then I'm finished until the morning. Then I'm exhausted all day as well.

Today's test was even more painful than the two I had done on my left shoulder and left arm. When he stabbed the needle into my thigh and pushed with all his night and zapped me, I thought I was going to lose what's left of my mind. Even worse, he had to do that particular one twice. It could have been three times, because by then I was almost passed out. The pain was incredible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but my absolute worst enemy and she deserves even more pain after what she did.

I asked him what the results were and he couldn't tell me. I so hate that. Why not just let me know? They are MY test results from MY body aren't they? Anyhow, he said they would be sent to the doctor on Thursday and I should expect a call from the doctor next week. I don't have an appointment with him for at least 4 or 5 more weeks and told him that was too long for me to wait. Patience is not a virtue with which I was blessed. He said not to worry, he was sure I would get a call next week. What would you think that meant? Now I'm sure there is a damaged nerve somewhere and that has me freaking out. I hate this! If the surgeon hasn't called me by Friday of next week, I'll call my family doctor and see if he can get the results and tell me if there's something to worry about.

I'm so tired of waiting for the next shoe to all!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

My brother, the TV star!!

Last night marked a special night for my family. My younger brother Todd has his first starring role on TV on the ID Channel Nightmare Next Door! I'm so proud of him!!

He played the character of Uncle Terry who finds his niece shot and dead in her bed. He truly did an excellent job when he was being interrogated by the police. It was mostly ad-libed. If you get a chance to watch the episode of Nightmare Next Door on the Investigation Discovery Channel On Demand, do yourself a favor and see it.

He's always wanted to be an actor and is finally getting the shot. He's appeared in many big budget movies. Currently he's filming South Paw that stars 50 Cent, Forrest Whittaker and a whole list of top-natch actors. Hoping he gets more screen time in this film. Promise Land that starred Matt Damon, was his most screen time in a movie yet. He had a lot of screen time in the low budget movie Croaker that his fiancée Kelly also acted in. My family got a chance to be in a low budget horror film called The Other Side that is a zombie movie. Hubby, oldest daughter and I were all zombies, but my son played a senior in high school. Trevor is very tall and slender with washboard abs. He is perfect for acting, but he wants to program video games and computer programs. He's currently in Mexico with his girlfriend Ana, visiting her family in Tijuana.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Visiting Pittsburgh, PA for a doctor's appointment

We have been going down to Pittsburgh for surgery and doctor's appointments for several months now. I had my neck fused on April 7, 2014, and go every 6 weeks to make sure the donor bone and titanium disc is staying in place and hopefully will start to graft onto my own. So far, so good, but the 6 month visit will tell it all. Now my husband has been going down to get injections in his knees. They are in very bad shape, causing horrible pain and he needs knee replacements. The injections are a chance to keep the surgery from happening for several more years.

Of course, since we were there, I had to take photos. The City is gorgeous. That is probably one of the reasons so many block buster Hollywood movies are being filmed there now. My brother has been an extra in many of the recent movies and TV shows.

Ridgway has been declaired a disaster area after May 21, 2014 Flood

Our beautiful town of Ridgway has been declared a disaster area after the second highest Clarion River flooded. The Clarion crested at 21.67 feet at 1:45 p.m. The highest ever flood was 23.10 feet on July 19, 1974. It's scary how mad Mother Nature can go when she sees how us humans are treating her creation. Since 1964, there have been 6 floods that crested the Clarion River.

I missed most of the flooding because we were in Pittsburgh for my husband's doctor's appointment. He needs injections in both knees. The hope is they will keep him from needing knee replacements for several more years.

I'll post the photos from Pittsburgh in my next post. Please pray to whatever deity you believe in. Businesses and private homes are destroyed. They need all the help they can get.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

More rotten health problems

Once again, I've gotten a blow and it has me down for the count. I somehow ended up with double pneumonia as well as a secondary infection that they haven't been able to identify yet or if they have, nobody told me what I have. This has been one of the most miserable weeks in my life. I can't breathe, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Then there's the non-stop coughing. That alone is horrid. :(

We were in Pittsburgh on Friday to see the next surgeon for me to make sure the donor bone and titanium disc are staying in place and I'm doing well. So far, so good. I woke up from the surgery 7 hours after it was over and I couldn't believe that my arm was no longer numb or in pain! Dr. Vincent Silvaggio of 3 Rivers Orthopedics is truly the greatest surgeon out there. I would never allow anyone else to touch my neck. I wish I had gone to his partner to have my knee done. The torn meniscus should have been healed the months ago, but I'm still having so much trouble with walking down steps, bending the knee and even putting weight on it is a killer. I should have been sent to physical therapy immediately, but I surgeon waited 9 weeks before authorizing it. I may never get my knee back to normal because of that move. The PT agrees I waited too long and he's doing his best to make it the best it can be. It will never be normal again, but I. have to keep going.

I'm slowly getting over the pneumonia I can breathe a bit easier today. such a relief! I go for my third chest x~ray on Wednesday to see if they are now clear or at least cleaning up. What a relief! Lets hope this is the end of health problems. I can't take much more.

Randy also saw one of my surgeon's partners to have injections in his knee. He needs to have it replaced, but we can't do that right now. Social Security is backed up 14 months. It will be no sooner than September when they schedule my hearing. He had 2 more injections to have done the next two Wednesday. I know how painful they are. He would never admit that pain, but after being with the same man for almost 30 years, you learn to read him.

I'm hoping for decent weather next week, so we can do some photography around the city. The architecture is gorgeous down there.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter, to all those who celebrate!

Just wanted to write a quick note to wish all my friends who celebrate Easter a very happy one! I hope the Easter Bunny brought you just what you wanted in the basket. OK, I realize that is probably not what the true believers think of when it is brought up, but that is what Easter has become. Rather than the time when Jesus was raised from the dead after three days in the tomb, the holiday has turned into a time for children to find hidden eggs, get baskets of candy and other goodies from the "Easter Bunny" as well as a time for family to gather and eat a huge ham dinner together.

The eggs are from the pagan Sabbath of Ostara. They symbolize renewing life. Christians took over the pagans' sabbats to make it easier to force the population to convert to their new religion. Same with Samhain (Halloween), Yule (Christmas ~ it isn't possible that Christ was a Capricorn, he had to have born in the spring) and so many more. I won't make this into a paper on the true holidays, just a quick look at where it came from.

Until later! We'll catch you!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Finally finished our taxes

Randy and I finally got around to finishing up our taxes last night when he got home from work. Since I had to stop working last July, my income was pathetic. Our daughter earned more working part time at McDonalds than I did working as a newspaper reporter! SIGH! It was a pretty easy process. When I finally get approved for disability, it will take much longer. Our tax preparer said it was much more than an hour of answering a few questions. They have to literally sit down with paper and pen and work out numbers. Why does a person who is too ill to work forced to go through so much? He said they could tax up to a huge percentage of what I receive! Why?? Looking around my house and at my clothes, we obviously are far from the upper elite. Going on disability will allow us to continue to live in a house and feed, clothe and send our son to college. Why in the world are they going to bother to give me money and then just take it all back in taxes?

We have been going to H&R Block for several years and always have Rich Deflbaugh do our taxes. We've known him forever and we have never had a problem with him. Coming from a small town, my parents also have Rich do their taxes. Mom laughingly told him, "I Know where you live," if she ever gets audited. :)

I have a ton of things to get put up before we leave for my surgery, from my daughter's amazing win at the Brockway Volunteer Fire Department's latest gun bash to more on my surgery and how my life will never be the same. I will have my Surface 2 tablet with at the hospital, but in the collar and not able to move my neck, I'm not sure what kind of shape I'll be in and if I'll even be able to update while we're there. I think most people who read this also are on Twitter, G+ and Facebook, so I know I can put up a quick note that I'm still alive once I get out of recovery and can think.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Even more surgery

The days are flying by and soon I'll be in Pittsburgh for yet another surgery. How many can one body survive? I have to have a herniated disc removed and replaced with a donor bone, then a titanium disc will be fused on that spot. I'll never be the same again. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, but the disc is pressing on the nerve and causing my arm and hand are going numb and it hurts all the time. :(

I'm probably out of my ever-loving mind to have this done so soon after the knee surgery, but sadly I can't heal the way I wish I did. I woke up this morning and could barely move. It hurt so bad! I sat and cried after everyone left for the day. The pain was unbearable. I can't believe it's so bad at this age. I should be traveling around the world, not being pushed around WalMart in a wheelchair because I can't walk.

I go on Monday for the pre-op check up and to make sure I'm healthy enough to have the surgery. I can't miss this chance. I could lose the use of my arm and I can't stand that, so I have to go and let the doctor know I'm doing great and am all ready for the surgery!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Yearning for more and the Great Reveal

I'm sure everyone has noticed that the world seems to have become enamored with the supernatural these days. All the TV shows, movies, books, clothing etc... are covered with vampires, werewolves, witches, zombies and more supernatural creatures. It's something that says this generation is looking for something more, something they can't find in the normal, so they have turned to the paranormal. If you don't know this, you have to be living under a rock somewhere. BR>
What does that say about us? Why is there that longing for more than what we can see every day? There has to be more out there. Why are we searching for something to dream of. Bella got her everlasting love with Edward and their miracle daughter Renesamee on the Twilightt series. Buffy had her perfect moment with Angel, sadly he turned to the evil Angelus then, but it was the moment we all were waiting for. Ghost Hunters seems to have brought it to the main stream, but Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the first true powerful female figure that let women know they could take on anything and survive ~ even death itself and return. She let us know that vampires didn't have to be evil and killed; they could be heroes and loved.

We all seem to be looking for our own Edward, Bill, Klaus, Jacob (if you aren't looking for eternal life) or Angel. Now we have the Originalvampires and werewolf/vampire hybrids; The Vampire Diaries; True Blood; Being Human; even Zombies are finding love. We have Dean and Sam Winchester out hunting all manner of beasties from demons to ghosts and everything in between. We were told by our parents and there parents that Ouija Boards, Tarot Cards, witches, demons, etc are evil and are to be avoided at all costs, but we don't believe it anymore. We have been brought up on stories that show that is what we want to be.

Maybe it's time that the Great Reveal happens? There will never be a time that is more perfect for those who are a little bit more than human to walk out of the shadows and announce, "We are here!" The older generation won't trust you, but my generation was brought up on your stories and have taught our children that you are what we want. We want you to be real, to find those of us who need more.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm ready to step up and shout, "I'm here and I'm ready! Come find me. I'll be waiting for the Great Reveal!"

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Ridgway Chainsaw Carving Rendezvous

The annual Ridgway Chainsaw Carving Rendezvous has started and will be in full swing as the week goes on. Since I can't walk yet, I sent my hubby and daughter to get a cheesesteaks from one of the food booths and take a few photos, so I can see the incredible work. My surgeon doesn't want me putting any weight on the left leg until tomorrow and even then it will be baby steps only.

I do hope to at least get down there one day. Probably Friday because everyone will be working, but the massive crowds that will attend the annual carving auction won't be here until Saturday. There are literally thousands of people who attend, hoping to pick up a piece of original extreme art. Chainsaw carving has increased in popularity since the Boni brothers started this event over a decade ago. The first year it was open to the public, less than a handful of carvers attended. Now there are hundreds that attend and create such beauty out of a log. If you have never seen this unique artistry, you are truly missing out on a treat of a lifetime. It kills me not to be there every day. I've asked hundreds of the carvers how they create the image out of a log. They explain that they look at the log and see the finished piece just waiting to come out. We have several small pieces. My daughter bought the cutest mouse a few years ago and I bought an incredible walking stick that was hand carved by a master artist from down near Gettysburg. I take it on all our walking trips. I tend to stumble when walking, so the staff works wonders.

I've met and interviewed carvers from around the USA and the world. My favorite are the Germans because I speak broken German, so interviews with them are half German and half English. It somehow works! They are always surprised to be greeted in their own language in this tiny town. They should have learned by now, if you want to learn from the masters in painting, go to Paris, if you want to learn from the masters in the extreme art of chainsaw carving, you go to Ridgway. A champion carver from England told me that several years ago and I can never forget it. Everyone in that world has heard of our town thanks to the Boni family. With less than 5,000 people living here in the middle of the Allegheny Forest, that is staying something. We've had international journalists cover the event. It was one of my favorite events to cover every year.

The carvers are all friendly. Even if they can't speak more than a few words of broken English, a smile is universal and there isn't a carver out there that doesn't smile while working for when they catch the eye of a visitor watching them. Their time has come. They finally have respect and their art is finally commanding the respect (and price tag) they so richly deserve.

The art and chance to talk to people from so many States and countries isn't the only draw. There are food booths! My family's personal favorite is the cheesesteak/hot sausage stand. I think I need to stop there tomorrow after my doctor's appointment. There are also the most sinfully delicious dessert ever created ~~ deep fried Oreo cookies! I just give up on my diet this week. It's impossible to go there, smell that delicious food cooking and not stop and buy it.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Black Moon Inn

I'm stuck in bed thanks to knee surgery (I tore my meniscus somehow), so I picked up a new book. It's Laurell K. Hamilton's Black Moon Inn. Her books are incredible. I sit down, intending to only read a page or two and before I know it, I've finished three chapters! She has a way of making things come alive with her use of words. I'm instantly transported to the world where Anita Blake is actually a legal vampire executioner, zombie raiser, dating the city's master vampire and just broke up with the city's alpha werewolf and is the lupa (highest ranking female) in the werewolf pack! There are other shifters in her world. In this book, we're introduced to a young wereleopard named Nathaniel. He's lowest on the pack's rank and had been almost killed when Anita is called in to protect him.

I have almost all of her books, thanks to a find in a second hand store. I think some girl went to college and her mother took the chance to get rid of all that paranormal "romance" her daughter was keeping in her room. I know I'd be upset if my entire collection went missing. I feel like I'm saving her teenage years, even though we've never met.

If you've never sampled one of her novels, be warned they are not rated PG. They are for adults only. Think of them as a paranormal fan's Fifty Shades of Grey! :). With all things vampire and zombie being so popular, we might just see Anita's story come to life on the big screen?

My knee should be fine. The stitches come out in two weeks and I can start trying to put weight on it Monday. It's hurting today and I'm using a walker, so my arms are killing me. I'll be ok though. After all I've survived, a little forced bed rest is nothing.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Hope your Valentines' Day was a good one!

Randy came home from work yesterday with a smile on his face and told me to close my eyes for a minute. Hmmm .... OK, I did this and when I looked up, here was the surprise waiting for me.

We have been together my entire adult life and have known each other even longer. We studied chemistry together in high school and eventually, that chemistry united and here we are -- married almost 26 years and together nearly 30 and the parents of two wonderful adult children. No, I won't lie and say it's always been a bowl of cherries. We've had our UPS and downs like any other couple, but I don't believe in throwing away something just because it isn't perfect. I believe just working harder will help. I took those vows to "love, honor and cherish til death do us part" seriously and intend to do just that.

Even without the flowers and teddy bear, he shows me he loves me and that he's in this for the long run and we're together forever. Randy, I do love you!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Will this winter ever end?

As a infamous movie weatherman trapped forever in Punxsutawney once moaned, "This winter is never going to end." I find myself feeling the same way. I realize it's only mid-February, but I'm already sick to death of being cold. Our pipes have frozen half a dozen times already and I have to keep a heater in the laundry room or the washing machine won't work.

Everyone has to leave the house 20 minutes earlier than usual to dig their cars out of the mounds of snow they have been buried in. Hubby and daughter have auto-starters for their cars, but it doesn't help that much. My son has a manual shift car, so he doesn't have a starter. I start both cars when I come downstairs to pack lunch boxes and feed the cats (not necessarily in that order. The three cats are very insistent that they be fed before anything else is done. They have very loud meows and scream in harmony.)

I hate walking outside and rarely go anywhere except to the doctor or for medical tests. This Wednesday is yet another MRI of my neck and head. The doctor is trying to see if there is a reason in that area that my left arm keeps going numb. They tried to do this test last week, but I freaked out and they couldn't do the test. I'm very claustrophobic and it has gotten worse as I get older and sicker. Being put in that tube, it feels like I'm in a coffin. The loud banging from the machine is awful! I also need to have an MRI of my left knee to see if the meniscus is torn. If it is, the orthopedic doctor said it's an easy scope surgery to fix it. If it isn't torn, then it's probably just arthritis and nothing will help that. I can wear a knee brace or get steroid shots in there every six months. There's no way those shots are going to happen. I go with Randy when he gets those shots and if it hurts him enough that he shows it, then I would be on the floor, curled dupe in the fetal position crying my eyes out. Not going to happen! Besides, I tried those shots for my shoulder and ended up needing surgery anyhow. NO MORE NEEDLES!!! The changing pressure continues to cause horrid migraines.

Lets hope that rotten rodent in Punxsutawney is wrong and we will be an early spring.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

More Surgery

Amazingly enough, this time it's not me having the surgery. My daughter, Arielle, received more than her stunning good looks from me, she also inherited the painful lipomas that grow all over my arms, legs and spine. Thankfully, hers aren't as large or as many as I get. She had a small one removed from the top of her left knee yesterday.

She goes back to the doctor tomorrow to make sure the wound is healing and then the doctor will decide when she's allowed to go back to work and when the stitches will be removed. She's not happy missing work for the 2 1/2 days. She's use to working all day sorting parts for several automobile companies. She has started paying for her own expenses (insurance and cellphone) and it makes her feel so good to be able to do that. The first day she gave her dad her month expense money, the smile on her face could literally light up the world. I'm so proud of her! She said she finally feels like an adult being able to pay for her expenses. She's 21 years old and this is the first time she's had a job that paid enough to do more than put gas in her car.

Rather than spending every penny she earns on junk, she's saving up for the trip to Mexico we're planning for at the end of August. It's the trip we've been hoping to take for several years since my son's girlfriend's parents live in Tijuana. I can't wait to meet them. Her mother and I write on Facebook and have talked on Skype before. It feels like I've known her forever.

I'll post a photo or two of the surgery when I figure out how to move them from my cellphone to my Surface 2. Night ll.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Nerve Conduction Torture Test

Yesterday was the dreaded nerve conduction test that I have been worried, well scared is a better word, about for the past few weeks. I had one done two years ago next month and it was just as painful as I remember. I wasn't able to sleep at all the night before.

It started out with a little electrode being placed on my arms and zapping me with electricity. My hands curled on their own with each touch. All I pictured was Frankenstein lying on the slab, covered with the sheet and his hand starting to jerk after being zapped with lightning. Once the doctor got the information he needed from that torture, out came the needles. He put them in at certain points and then even more electricity. It has changed my thoughts on the death penalty. While I completely believe in the death penalty, electricity as a way of death, I feel, is now cruel and unusual punishment. When a person is sentenced to death, it should be painless or it should be done in the exact same way as the person they murdered died, that should be the rule for anything who kills an innocent child.

Dr. Baker is a nice man and we spent the time talking about old-time movies like Casablanca, Frankenstein (with Boris Karloff), The Wolfman (Lon Cheney), The Invisible Man (Claude Raines) and of course The Rocky Horror Picture Show. By the time we were done, he was actually singing The Time Warp!

He said I was a good patient and didn't even fight. What use is it to fight? I had to have the tests to see what's wrong with my arm. He said he'll have the results sent to my doctor on Monday. I'm worried that it's carpel tunnel syndrome for sure. I'll need a MRI to see if my rotator cuff is torn, the muscle damaged and my elbow messed up. He even laughed that I'd be a terrible poker player because all my feelings show on my face. He could see how badly my arm hurt and what the test was doing to me. I was wearing my red contacts and it took him about 20 minutes for him to decide to ask about them. He thought they were like the Frost Giants in Thor. I had to explain they were really vampire eyes. That's when our talk about monsters, Gods, the paranormal and movies really started.

Like most doctors know, I'm a different type of patient and even he admitted it when I explained what migraines feel like. I think the person who wrote about the birth of Athena was experiencing a migraine. Zeus was feeling stabbing and banging in his head and it was so bad he couldn't take it anymore. He had his head cracked open and Athena sprang out, fully dressed in battle gear with a sword and shield. The stabbing was her sword and the banging was her shield hitting his brain. That's exactly how I feel during the level 10+ migraines I get constantly. I spend so much time around doctors and nurses, that I no longer have even a bit of "awe" for them. I realize they are just people with a little more education. Some doctors appreciate that I treat them like equals, while others get very furious that I don't bow down to their God complex.

I asked him about a bionic arm transplant, but again, he can't help with that. They don't have them available. Maybe someday? My next doctor visit is at the end of the month to an orthopedic surgeon to check out my knee and now my arm. I'm sure he'll want MRI's of off them to make sure he can see if there are any tears, rips, etc.. I'm not thrilled at the thought of having another surgery or three, but I can't keep going on with the pain. I'm use to living in constant pain, but this is even worse than ever and I'm not sure I can tolerate it much longer. I cry myself to sleep every night and quite often through the day as well.

As a treat, we stopped at Four Sons' Texas Hotdogs. Trevor loves their slovaki dinner and I always get their fish dinner and share it with Arielle. They are beyond delicious and it's a HUGE piece of fish. Last night, Randy tried a tiny bit, then he wanted a little more. I think he'll order the fish next time. :) He and Arielle took hotdogs in their lunchboxes for their lunches today.

Until next time

Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy New Year 2014

Here it is, another new year has started. Sure hope it's better than the last one because it really sucked royally! I think I spent more time with doctors, either in offices or in hospitals, than I did with my family. That has to change this year. I only have 3 scheduled appointments so far this month. I go on Thursday for a very horrid nerve test. The doctor inserts electrodes inside left my arm (where a lot of the current pain is, aside from the never-ending migraines), then will zap me with electricity. If you've never had it done, I suggest you skip the offer. The last time I had this torture er test done was three years ago. I can still remember ever minute.

My shoulder is still killing me. Actually, the entire left arm is ready to be exchanged for a bionic one. That would be nice. At least the pain would stop!

I'll post more after we get the results of the tests. Think happy thoughts. I can't take much more pain.